Smashed avocado and feta cheese toast with poached eggs. Overhead view, on dark slate.

The Best Places To Eat Smashed Avocado in Melbourne While You Contemplate Never Owning Your Own Home

Well, this has been QUITE a week for the humble smashed avo, thanks to Australian columnist and KPMG partner Bernard Salt writing a fairly contentious column dismissing millenials as a lesser species than the “Middle Aged Moraliser” because, Salt reckons, the money we spend eating smashed avocado could apparently equate to a deposit on a house.

The publishing of this column has sent many avocado enthusiasts and disillusioned property coveters alike into a spin, and many have weighed into the argument with analysis of the economic and social factors surrounding the issue.

But hey, we’re not. We’re just going to use this as a gratuitous opportunity to tell you about all our favourite places to brunch on avocado dishes in Melbourne. Cool! Read on and drown your millennial sorrows in lashings of the green, creamy foodstuff.

Archie’s Allday: Smashed Avocado

This place never seems to do any wrong, and their take on Smashed Avocado is no exception. A fresh and well-balanced mix of mint, parsley, lemon and Meredith goat’s feta on grain toast, this dish is ever consistent (like the rest of Archie’s offering) and an absolute no-brainer while you’re contemplating hooking up with a wealthy benefactor in order to own your own Northside Terrace house of a weekend morn.

Crabapple Kitchen: Avocado on Olive Toast

Crabapple Kitchen has long been one of Hawthorn’s finest, but most unpretentious cafes. While it’s a constantly shifting menu, the avocado on olive toast mysteriously remains – and with whipped Meredith soft feta, chilli, mint, avocado, oil & lemon, it’s no wonder this unbelievable dish never leaves the Crabapple Kitchen rotation.

Add a poached egg and if you had too many bevvies last night because you were depressed about choosing quality of life over living with your parents until you could afford an orange brick house in a shitty isolated suburb, then get a side of bacon and you’re laughing.

Collective Espresso: Smashed Avocado

Situated just opposite Camberwell station, Collective Espresso changed hands reasonably recently, and Collective fans had a burning question: would their unbelievable food still be of the same quality? Well, apparently so, and the Camberwell institution’s popular Smashed Avocado is still at the top of its game.

This version is smashed with, you guessed it, Meredith goat’s feta and uses mint, dill and parsley, and is served with a wedge of lemon and dressed with beetroot leaves. Ask for some thick cut Kaiser Bacon on the side of this hearty and delicious dish because hey, what’s a couple more dollar dollar bills when you weren’t born in the right era to take advantage of the Great Australian Dream anyway?



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